There's not much going through my head to write about today - but since I have made a commitment to come to the blog every day and write, I'm here. And it's not that I'm having a bad day...in fact on those bad days I am usually drawn to write more than the happy days. It's just a normal day, rocking along in the routine of it all, and wishing hard for the weekend. I'm tired. And I don't really know why I'm so tired except that maybe everything has just finally caught up with me - - I need a day off. Like a stay in your pajamas and totally veg out on the couch watching movies all day kind of day off - - not one that's filled with to do's and business but just a day to hang out with my pups, spend time with J, play outside in the dirt - and chill. Can anybody feel me? :)
The highlight of my day today...I get to see my DGroup girls tonight! We have had the past two weeks off because of Ash Wednesday and Spring Break so I cannot wait to huddle up in our room and hear about all that has been happening in their busy lives over the past two weeks - I've missed out on a lot!
So that's all for today - rather uneventful but thanking the Big Guy for the sunshine and warmer weather - my soul was thirsty for it - I cannot WAIT to play in the dirt really soon. :)
March 19, 2014
March 18, 2014
"Sistas"
One of the hardest life lessons I have had to learn through the years is that some friendships are only for a season. It's a doozy don't ya think?
Junior Year: Decorating for Prom with my absolute best friends. All piling in a car with the windows down and the radio up heading to Sonic for a break. Powder puff football. Spend the night parties at Stowe's house with the entire class. --> you never would have convinced me had you told me that some of these friendships would end and that others would morph and change. This would be forever.
Senior Year: Girls nights bumping Avril Lavigne in the Tahoe. Cabin parties. Long lunches on the deck in the sunshine. Homecoming. Senior Parties. Friday night lights. --> Even if you had told me things would change, there was no way I would EVER believe it...these friendships were for a lifetime!
College: Frisbee in the quad. Late night conversations on the bunk beds. Formal. ---> for the sake of not belaboring a point I'll just stop here and say...At any major time in my life you never would have had me believe that the friends I was with, the people I was making precious memories with at the time, would become something different in my life. That our relationships would change, evolve, some disappear...never.
And that's part of getting older. Now that the shock of seasonal friendships has disappeared I have learned to really enjoy the special moments with friends even more, to truly cherish those times when we are together, to not always be checking my watch or my phone but to ENGAGE completely with this friend. For we really never know when things might change and how.
And so because of this hard life lesson I have REALLY learned to appreciate my "sistas" as I deemed them not too terribly long ago. Who are these ladies you may wonder...my "sistas" are 7 ladies who I have literally known my entire life. Well, mostly. For as long as I can remember these girls have been in my life, a part of my family - our parents are best friends, we are all best friends, and if something were to happen in the dead middle of the night and I needed to call someone I would call any one of these girls and she would do whatever she could to cheer me up or bail me out :)
Earlier in the week J and I were reading Captivating and the chapter was titled - Mothers, Daughters, Sisters: The entire chapter was discussing the importance of female friends. How important close relationships with females, close relationships, really are for a woman's well being. And at this point the book goes on to explain that if you have 3 of these close friends you are doing good. I smiled. This has always been something interesting for me -- see I had a lot of friends that had TONS of friends, lots and lots of people to throw the frisbee with in the quad or to sit at a football game with - but I always lended myself to a few really close friendships, people I knew I could call with my biggest victory or dirtiest challenge who would be on board in a moments notice to join in with me, no matter what that looked like - I never really cared much for thousands of acquaintances. Now, that doesn't mean I was not friendly, of course I was, but I just preferred my close knit group. And in this book it discusses how Jesus had the 12 - - but then He had the 3, who were His tightest, most intimate friends. These three gathered with Him to pray before the crucifixion...these 3 were who He took every single detail to -
And as I read about this I just smiled....and I began to say thank you to the Big Guy for my girls. My "sistas" who have seen me at my worst -- and totally called me out on it but loved me through it -- and who will be standing with me on my wedding day, ready to DANCE AND CELEBRATE the evening away with me and J. People comment quite often how lucky we are to have one another and the older I get the more I realize how very true this is. Relationships like these don't come along every day.
Now don't get me wrong...when I talk about how close we are, we also can get on each others nerves in a moment flat -- we are SISTERS after all :) but that's the beauty of the friendship - no matter what challenge or struggle, it prevails. And because of that I know it is something from the Lord.
The chapter reminded me of the scripture in Ruth - I have heard this quoted at many a wedding but the reality of the context of this scripture is that Ruth is speaking to a female, Naomi: "But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God"
What a powerful scripture -- Naomi was Ruth's mother in law at that -- but to say I'm not going back to "my people" back to where I am comfortable - I'm sticking with you. I will be beside you no matter what life throws your way, we will stay together and I will not turn my back on you - -> powerful words about a female relationship don't ya think? And we are that faithful - we do stick together - and we do need these precious relationships to THRIVE in this world. Yet again, SO thankful for my "sistas" who are always there...and I never ever have to question their loyalty to the friendship - we do because we love...and it is amazing.
"Little girls have best friends. Grown women long for them. To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. To know that as a woman, you are not alone. Friendships between women provide a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman."
I can remember years ago praying for deep meaningful friendships - ones that would really go the distance - and you know what the Lord revealed to me? They were right before my eyes. They had been under my nose my entire life - I had just not figured out how to truly embrace them yet...And embrace them I did, we all did -- HAZGNO has become one of the most anticipated and appreciated times for us. A night when we can ALL go out together and just CHAT (this has become a bit more difficult more recently because we aren't all in the same town...or state anymore!) but we still make it happen. And let's not forget about Easter Luncheon (Saturday before Easter) when our moms and the daughters get together and annoy everyone else in the restaurant with our obnoxious laughter and conversations...our hearts thrive in these moments - we were created for relationships like this.
"Friendship is a great gift. One to be prayed for and not taken for granted. If you do not have the kind of friendship you long for, ask God to bring it into your life, to give you eyes to recognize it when He does. When God gives a friend, He is entrusting us with the care of another's heart. It is a chance to mother and to sister, to be a Life giver, to help someone else become the woman she was created to be, to walk alongside her and call her deep heart forth. Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines."
I was reminded yet again last night of one thing I simply love about these girls...one of my "sistas" picked me up to take me to a reception we both had to attend last night and as always we were chatting non stop about life and all the chaos it entails. When she dropped me off at my house later on we just sat in the car and talked - - and it wasn't just meaningless chatter it was chatter of the heart. She is a precious soul, a beautiful heart - and she was asking how I was doing. Sounds a bit unimportant from just looking at the words but when I tell you she was asking how I was, I mean she was asking about the state of my heart...the state of my spirit - - how I was handling all of the chaos (good and bad) around me...what she could do for me...the list could extend for pages and pages. And THIS is something that I think I take for granted all too often about these precious friends of mine...they care. They really care. Sure they care about the surface things, the catty things, the day to day things...but they also really care about the things of the heart, things that matter into eternity - they love me, and they show it in a million different way. My "sistas" are a treasure that I can't come close to explaining in a blog post. But for the sake of the blog I will tell you one thing I love about each of them -- they will remain nameless, but they know who they are. :)
(a post about my sistas mommas coming soon...I certainly cannot forget the women who brought my favorite ladies into the world now can i?) :)
Junior Year: Decorating for Prom with my absolute best friends. All piling in a car with the windows down and the radio up heading to Sonic for a break. Powder puff football. Spend the night parties at Stowe's house with the entire class. --> you never would have convinced me had you told me that some of these friendships would end and that others would morph and change. This would be forever.
Senior Year: Girls nights bumping Avril Lavigne in the Tahoe. Cabin parties. Long lunches on the deck in the sunshine. Homecoming. Senior Parties. Friday night lights. --> Even if you had told me things would change, there was no way I would EVER believe it...these friendships were for a lifetime!
College: Frisbee in the quad. Late night conversations on the bunk beds. Formal. ---> for the sake of not belaboring a point I'll just stop here and say...At any major time in my life you never would have had me believe that the friends I was with, the people I was making precious memories with at the time, would become something different in my life. That our relationships would change, evolve, some disappear...never.
And that's part of getting older. Now that the shock of seasonal friendships has disappeared I have learned to really enjoy the special moments with friends even more, to truly cherish those times when we are together, to not always be checking my watch or my phone but to ENGAGE completely with this friend. For we really never know when things might change and how.
And so because of this hard life lesson I have REALLY learned to appreciate my "sistas" as I deemed them not too terribly long ago. Who are these ladies you may wonder...my "sistas" are 7 ladies who I have literally known my entire life. Well, mostly. For as long as I can remember these girls have been in my life, a part of my family - our parents are best friends, we are all best friends, and if something were to happen in the dead middle of the night and I needed to call someone I would call any one of these girls and she would do whatever she could to cheer me up or bail me out :)
Earlier in the week J and I were reading Captivating and the chapter was titled - Mothers, Daughters, Sisters: The entire chapter was discussing the importance of female friends. How important close relationships with females, close relationships, really are for a woman's well being. And at this point the book goes on to explain that if you have 3 of these close friends you are doing good. I smiled. This has always been something interesting for me -- see I had a lot of friends that had TONS of friends, lots and lots of people to throw the frisbee with in the quad or to sit at a football game with - but I always lended myself to a few really close friendships, people I knew I could call with my biggest victory or dirtiest challenge who would be on board in a moments notice to join in with me, no matter what that looked like - I never really cared much for thousands of acquaintances. Now, that doesn't mean I was not friendly, of course I was, but I just preferred my close knit group. And in this book it discusses how Jesus had the 12 - - but then He had the 3, who were His tightest, most intimate friends. These three gathered with Him to pray before the crucifixion...these 3 were who He took every single detail to -
And as I read about this I just smiled....and I began to say thank you to the Big Guy for my girls. My "sistas" who have seen me at my worst -- and totally called me out on it but loved me through it -- and who will be standing with me on my wedding day, ready to DANCE AND CELEBRATE the evening away with me and J. People comment quite often how lucky we are to have one another and the older I get the more I realize how very true this is. Relationships like these don't come along every day.
Now don't get me wrong...when I talk about how close we are, we also can get on each others nerves in a moment flat -- we are SISTERS after all :) but that's the beauty of the friendship - no matter what challenge or struggle, it prevails. And because of that I know it is something from the Lord.
The chapter reminded me of the scripture in Ruth - I have heard this quoted at many a wedding but the reality of the context of this scripture is that Ruth is speaking to a female, Naomi: "But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God"
What a powerful scripture -- Naomi was Ruth's mother in law at that -- but to say I'm not going back to "my people" back to where I am comfortable - I'm sticking with you. I will be beside you no matter what life throws your way, we will stay together and I will not turn my back on you - -> powerful words about a female relationship don't ya think? And we are that faithful - we do stick together - and we do need these precious relationships to THRIVE in this world. Yet again, SO thankful for my "sistas" who are always there...and I never ever have to question their loyalty to the friendship - we do because we love...and it is amazing.
"Little girls have best friends. Grown women long for them. To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. To know that as a woman, you are not alone. Friendships between women provide a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman."
I can remember years ago praying for deep meaningful friendships - ones that would really go the distance - and you know what the Lord revealed to me? They were right before my eyes. They had been under my nose my entire life - I had just not figured out how to truly embrace them yet...And embrace them I did, we all did -- HAZGNO has become one of the most anticipated and appreciated times for us. A night when we can ALL go out together and just CHAT (this has become a bit more difficult more recently because we aren't all in the same town...or state anymore!) but we still make it happen. And let's not forget about Easter Luncheon (Saturday before Easter) when our moms and the daughters get together and annoy everyone else in the restaurant with our obnoxious laughter and conversations...our hearts thrive in these moments - we were created for relationships like this.
"Friendship is a great gift. One to be prayed for and not taken for granted. If you do not have the kind of friendship you long for, ask God to bring it into your life, to give you eyes to recognize it when He does. When God gives a friend, He is entrusting us with the care of another's heart. It is a chance to mother and to sister, to be a Life giver, to help someone else become the woman she was created to be, to walk alongside her and call her deep heart forth. Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines."
I was reminded yet again last night of one thing I simply love about these girls...one of my "sistas" picked me up to take me to a reception we both had to attend last night and as always we were chatting non stop about life and all the chaos it entails. When she dropped me off at my house later on we just sat in the car and talked - - and it wasn't just meaningless chatter it was chatter of the heart. She is a precious soul, a beautiful heart - and she was asking how I was doing. Sounds a bit unimportant from just looking at the words but when I tell you she was asking how I was, I mean she was asking about the state of my heart...the state of my spirit - - how I was handling all of the chaos (good and bad) around me...what she could do for me...the list could extend for pages and pages. And THIS is something that I think I take for granted all too often about these precious friends of mine...they care. They really care. Sure they care about the surface things, the catty things, the day to day things...but they also really care about the things of the heart, things that matter into eternity - they love me, and they show it in a million different way. My "sistas" are a treasure that I can't come close to explaining in a blog post. But for the sake of the blog I will tell you one thing I love about each of them -- they will remain nameless, but they know who they are. :)
- A true sister, by blood. She stands in the face of a stressful situation and calms the waves for me. She brings things into perspective. While she may be panicking on the inside she never wavers on the outside for me. She is a fixer, and wants to make sure we all feel loved and as important as she feels we are to her. She is also our planner, and goes above and beyond to make sure everyone is taken care of. She's sweet spirited and filled with precious intentions always.
- My flower child. I never have to wonder if I am going to be bored with her because she is going to make sure that something is going on, something FUN and filled with energy. She's passionate about you - -and like me if she loves you, she just LOVES you but if you've ticked her off one too many times, she's over it. I adore this because it's so much like myself. She is genuinely always excited about what is going on in your life and wants to know all of the details. She will give her opinion whether you want it or not and I never have to question how she feels about things...she's real with me, and I love that about her.
- The brain. She has the sweetest spirit and may not be heard very often but when she speaks you better listen. She is thoughtful, never missing a special event - always letting you know she is thinking about you and praying for you...even on the day you go to find your wedding dress.She's put together and established but not afraid to let lose and jump in on the craziness when the timing is right. She is loyal, always...and the best hugger ever...hands down!
- The total planner. She will always help you sort things out, even in moments under pressure - in fact she may sort things out even better under pressure than without it! She is filled with creativity and organization and she will be the first to figure it all out if you put it in front of her. She is decisive, a trait I am insanely jealous of. She knows what she likes and she doesn't teeter back and forth much on it. She can share in your excitement in a way that makes you feel as though it is her own - totally jumping in to love you through every moment. She's got style too - classic to a tee.
- My got your back girl. At any moment in my life when I have been a little fearful of someone, whether it be an older bully or a random crazy female I never have to worry if I'm going to have to jump into the battle alone, she is ALWAYS right behind me, heck sometimes in front of me, ready to tackle anyone to protect me. She lifts me up and affirms me perfectly when I'm feeling not good enough. She's filled with love, and a lot of laughter. She is one of the first to tell me if I'm being a little silly and can ground me gracefully like only a "sista" can.
- The nurturer. She has a ginormous heart and has such a mothering spirit - she also always wants to share in the joy (like every sista does!) and her laugh is absolutely contagious. She knows how to throw a party and keeps it together in a classic way. She always supports me, lifts me up in prayer whenever I ask, and is certainly someone I will have on speed dial if God blesses me with little ones. She's giving, of her talents and her spirit and anything else she has - I'm pretty certain she would give me the shirt off her back if I asked. She loves to get together as much as I do - and she will drop anything to make that happen.
- The excited one. She is going to let everyone know how happy she is for you, and with you, at any given time. She has such a genuine spirit, truly wanting to hear what's going on in your world and not just wanting to hear it but to walk it with you. She's thoughtful - never forgetting to send a word of encouragement or lifting up a prayer of concern and love. She is probably the one who will call me out the quickest, but love me through the hard part and help me figure out a way to get to the other side of my mess. She's a servant, sometimes to a fault. She loves her people passionately and no one ever has to question her on that - it's obvious.
(a post about my sistas mommas coming soon...I certainly cannot forget the women who brought my favorite ladies into the world now can i?) :)
March 17, 2014
Monday Monday
Believe it or not I don't really have much to say today :) Mondays always seem to be a little nuts for me (as I know they are for most of us, right?) - just trying to get my schedule for the week situated, making time for a workout every day, meal planning, preparing for Wednesday nights - Mondays sort of hit me hard and pop my rear back into gear to get back on a schedule for the next 5 days. I used to really despise a set "schedule" but the older I get the more I kind of like my routine...lately my weeks aren't very exciting...work-purebarre-grocery-dinner-shower-sleep-repeat. But even though it sounds extremely hum drum I'm really loving it. I don't "overbusy" myself...
We have had several ministers preach on business since I joined Christ United and each time it's discussed it rings true in my life - I'm convicted and I make myself slow down. It's been a while since someone has preached on the curse of being too busy but it still is ringing a tune in my spirit. When I slow down, am intentional about my time with Jesus, intentional about "me time" (hello pure barre you are my sanity), intentional about phone conversations with my mom, intentional about the time I spend with J -- I feel all around better. And I can say that right now - I'm feeling pretty fantastic.
Sure, life is chaos. Several times a day someone asks me how wedding planning is and my response every time is - It's great! But there is just so much to do! - I honestly had no idea how "busy" you could get planning a wedding. But in knowing that I feel like J and I have started to be really intentional about spending time together NOT discussing wedding, not getting wrapped up in the details every time we eat dinner together - just really focusing on US and the reason we are planning a wedding in the first place.
My challenge to anyone reading this for the week is this: slow down. Every single day Jesus prepares your day for you and He is intentional about your experiences, the little "love notes" He sends along your path, the things He wants to teach you and show you in that day...don't get so wrapped up in the noise of the chaos that you miss His intentionality. For all the things of this world will eventually fade away and you will be left with the most precious thing of all - your relationship with the Most High...be intentional about the time you spend with Him. Just as J and I are being intentional about our time together - I need to be even MORE intentional about my time with my Savior, spending time in His word, talking to Him, developing my relationship with Him. For He is the only one who will never fail us - and He is the one who loves us with a perfect love. What a beautiful reminder on this gloomy Monday.
Seek business less. Seek the face of your King more. It's worth it - I promise.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:19-21
We have had several ministers preach on business since I joined Christ United and each time it's discussed it rings true in my life - I'm convicted and I make myself slow down. It's been a while since someone has preached on the curse of being too busy but it still is ringing a tune in my spirit. When I slow down, am intentional about my time with Jesus, intentional about "me time" (hello pure barre you are my sanity), intentional about phone conversations with my mom, intentional about the time I spend with J -- I feel all around better. And I can say that right now - I'm feeling pretty fantastic.
Sure, life is chaos. Several times a day someone asks me how wedding planning is and my response every time is - It's great! But there is just so much to do! - I honestly had no idea how "busy" you could get planning a wedding. But in knowing that I feel like J and I have started to be really intentional about spending time together NOT discussing wedding, not getting wrapped up in the details every time we eat dinner together - just really focusing on US and the reason we are planning a wedding in the first place.
My challenge to anyone reading this for the week is this: slow down. Every single day Jesus prepares your day for you and He is intentional about your experiences, the little "love notes" He sends along your path, the things He wants to teach you and show you in that day...don't get so wrapped up in the noise of the chaos that you miss His intentionality. For all the things of this world will eventually fade away and you will be left with the most precious thing of all - your relationship with the Most High...be intentional about the time you spend with Him. Just as J and I are being intentional about our time together - I need to be even MORE intentional about my time with my Savior, spending time in His word, talking to Him, developing my relationship with Him. For He is the only one who will never fail us - and He is the one who loves us with a perfect love. What a beautiful reminder on this gloomy Monday.
Seek business less. Seek the face of your King more. It's worth it - I promise.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:19-21
March 16, 2014
What Awakens Your Heart?
One of the most amazing things I have in my life right now is my DGroup - for those of you that don't know at our church we have this opportunity for students in our youth ministry to be part of a DGroup - You start in the 6th grade in hopes to go through 12th grade with the same "small group" (of course things happen, friend groups change, etc... so sometimes things shake up a bit before 12th grade but ultimately we want them to be where they will be fed the most and grow the most and so things can always change) anyway I signed up to be a DGroup leader last year not really knowing everything it entailed.
One of my first memories of our church is someone talking about DGroups and my heart immediately tuned in, I knew immediately this was something I wanted to get plugged into - that it was something God wanted me to get plugged into - I had absolutely NO clue what a BLESSING this group would be and how much they would all minister to my heart on a regular basis. Awesome. Stuff.
So I have my 6th grade rockstars and two 10th grade student leaders that are unbelievable and we get to hang out on Wednesday nights for a while and just talk life, and Jesus, and One Direction (a new phenomenon to me, they teach me lots) :) and it's just good stuff. Not too terribly long ago we were talking about what makes you really come alive...if someone asked you what you really felt God had put you here to do, or given you a huge desire to do - what would that be...What, essentially, makes your heart beat?
That question has lingered on my mind since that night several weeks ago. I have spent quite a lot of time thinking on what that answer was for me - what I feel God has me here to do, what really gets my heart beating, what draws me nearer to Christ - and I must say, it's writing.
I can't remember a time when I didn't write - I began filling up notebooks and journals as early as I can remember...poetry, life, thoughts, opinions - it doesn't shock anyone who realy knows me to hear that I had strong opinions as a three year old! I can into this world with a passion for what I would believe (of course I had to develop opinions as I grew but I came out ready to rock and roll) I've always loved to share what my heart was, what my opinion might be on a controversial topic (thankfully I've learned to show more GRACE with age, and God still is teaching me a lot about times to speak and times to be silent...thank you Lord for how You constantly groom me...I need it!)
But I've always been a writer - and when I write I feel as though my heart has an inside outlet to the keyboard and things I don't think I really realized I was thinking or learning somehow come out on the page - - it's a pretty crazy thing. I had forgotten what a totally amazing thing it is for God to speak to me through my writing but can I just say that the past 2 days He has affirmed and affirmed and AFFIRMED over and over again that I NEED to write - that He has things to teach me and that He has given me this desire for a PURPOSE.
All that to say, the response to my post about J and his road to recovery has been...astounding. We have received more texts/facebook messages/emails/calls in the past two days than I ever imagined we would - so much LOVE and so much SUPPORT from people we know well and some we really don't know at all. Commitments from people to pray for us every day - confessions of people who have been praying for us for months and had no idea why - some who always thought that my outpour of love for J on social media was a farce until they read the post and heard my heart and confessed to me that now it all made sense. It's just been amazing. All of the doubts I had about sharing our story (even though J never had a doubt, he's been anxiously awaiting me finishing the 2 week in the making about our journey/story) every.single.doubt. VANISHED - God has affirmed, He continued to affirm this morning in church that this is something we need to talk about, something that He wants to use to further HIS kingdom - -
Again I say not because of ANYTHING WE HAVE DONE - this is not about me and J at all - and my prayer every single time I write about it is that whoever happens upon this blog would not hear me speaking/writing - but would hear what Jesus has done, and continues to do in my life, in J's life - in the lives of those around us. For it is certainly not by any strength J has that he has walked this journey - and it is absolutely NONE of my own strength that has allowed me to stand next to him - - it is all Jesus. Every.Single.Ounce.
And trust me - we continue to fail. We don't always get this loving eachother in Him thing correct and we both fail a lot more than not when it comes to living this Christian life -- it's hard isn't it? To really follow where HE leads us, to listen to His voice and to follow His commandments every single day. Makes me long for Heaven even more when I think about how much I have messed up, how much I mess up every day.
I don't love people well most of the time.
My thoughts aren't of Him more often than not.
Without just totally airing my dirty laundry right now I can say that I have believed the deceit of others one time too many and disappointed my entire family - disapointed myself - all the while believing I was following in His footsteps -
But He always blows those doors wide open for me
Praise GOD He always calls me back to Himself - He always has - and He always will - because the amazing truth I just cannot get enough of is even if it was ONLY me and my sin on this earth - He would have still given it ALL UP for me - all of my filth, all of my wrong steps, all of the doors i forced open that He had closed to protect me -- even knowing all o these things that I would do against Him - - He would have still given it up JUST FOR ME. The cross was for me. Holy.Smokes. What cool stuff right?
One of my first memories of our church is someone talking about DGroups and my heart immediately tuned in, I knew immediately this was something I wanted to get plugged into - that it was something God wanted me to get plugged into - I had absolutely NO clue what a BLESSING this group would be and how much they would all minister to my heart on a regular basis. Awesome. Stuff.
So I have my 6th grade rockstars and two 10th grade student leaders that are unbelievable and we get to hang out on Wednesday nights for a while and just talk life, and Jesus, and One Direction (a new phenomenon to me, they teach me lots) :) and it's just good stuff. Not too terribly long ago we were talking about what makes you really come alive...if someone asked you what you really felt God had put you here to do, or given you a huge desire to do - what would that be...What, essentially, makes your heart beat?
That question has lingered on my mind since that night several weeks ago. I have spent quite a lot of time thinking on what that answer was for me - what I feel God has me here to do, what really gets my heart beating, what draws me nearer to Christ - and I must say, it's writing.
I can't remember a time when I didn't write - I began filling up notebooks and journals as early as I can remember...poetry, life, thoughts, opinions - it doesn't shock anyone who realy knows me to hear that I had strong opinions as a three year old! I can into this world with a passion for what I would believe (of course I had to develop opinions as I grew but I came out ready to rock and roll) I've always loved to share what my heart was, what my opinion might be on a controversial topic (thankfully I've learned to show more GRACE with age, and God still is teaching me a lot about times to speak and times to be silent...thank you Lord for how You constantly groom me...I need it!)
But I've always been a writer - and when I write I feel as though my heart has an inside outlet to the keyboard and things I don't think I really realized I was thinking or learning somehow come out on the page - - it's a pretty crazy thing. I had forgotten what a totally amazing thing it is for God to speak to me through my writing but can I just say that the past 2 days He has affirmed and affirmed and AFFIRMED over and over again that I NEED to write - that He has things to teach me and that He has given me this desire for a PURPOSE.
All that to say, the response to my post about J and his road to recovery has been...astounding. We have received more texts/facebook messages/emails/calls in the past two days than I ever imagined we would - so much LOVE and so much SUPPORT from people we know well and some we really don't know at all. Commitments from people to pray for us every day - confessions of people who have been praying for us for months and had no idea why - some who always thought that my outpour of love for J on social media was a farce until they read the post and heard my heart and confessed to me that now it all made sense. It's just been amazing. All of the doubts I had about sharing our story (even though J never had a doubt, he's been anxiously awaiting me finishing the 2 week in the making about our journey/story) every.single.doubt. VANISHED - God has affirmed, He continued to affirm this morning in church that this is something we need to talk about, something that He wants to use to further HIS kingdom - -
Again I say not because of ANYTHING WE HAVE DONE - this is not about me and J at all - and my prayer every single time I write about it is that whoever happens upon this blog would not hear me speaking/writing - but would hear what Jesus has done, and continues to do in my life, in J's life - in the lives of those around us. For it is certainly not by any strength J has that he has walked this journey - and it is absolutely NONE of my own strength that has allowed me to stand next to him - - it is all Jesus. Every.Single.Ounce.
And trust me - we continue to fail. We don't always get this loving eachother in Him thing correct and we both fail a lot more than not when it comes to living this Christian life -- it's hard isn't it? To really follow where HE leads us, to listen to His voice and to follow His commandments every single day. Makes me long for Heaven even more when I think about how much I have messed up, how much I mess up every day.
I don't love people well most of the time.
My thoughts aren't of Him more often than not.
Without just totally airing my dirty laundry right now I can say that I have believed the deceit of others one time too many and disappointed my entire family - disapointed myself - all the while believing I was following in His footsteps -
But He always blows those doors wide open for me
Praise GOD He always calls me back to Himself - He always has - and He always will - because the amazing truth I just cannot get enough of is even if it was ONLY me and my sin on this earth - He would have still given it ALL UP for me - all of my filth, all of my wrong steps, all of the doors i forced open that He had closed to protect me -- even knowing all o these things that I would do against Him - - He would have still given it up JUST FOR ME. The cross was for me. Holy.Smokes. What cool stuff right?
So I'm thankful that I know one specific thing that makes my heart come alive - something that draws me so near the throne of Christ - writing. I can't get enough of it. It's just awesome and I am grateful for the opportunity to write - even if no one ever reads it - it's for me, no one else.
Another post for another day but - I am simply LOVING our church and our sunday school class...I love how my mind has shifted over the past year from thinking that Sunday was the last day of the weekend to Sunday being the beginning of my week - starting it out in the Lord's house makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world. Thankful always for a place to join with other believers and learn more about what He has done for us and what it looks like to live our life in a manner that glorifies Him. I always leave encouraged, challenged, and ready to surrender my life and pick up my cross daily.
You are So good.
March 15, 2014
Looking Up
Today has been such an awesome day. J and I were able to ride with my mom and dad to Louisiana (ROADTRIP!) to see my precious grandfather. The trip there provided a lot of time to catch up on life and I always love special time set aside to talk to my grandfather. I am, however, exhausted! Lots to say but hardly any energy left so I wanted to share my devotion from today. We have been overwhelmed by the response from my post yesterday and I hope to write about that either tomorrow or Monday. Hope everyone that attended enjoyed the parade today!
"Listen to the love song that I am continually singing to you. I take great delight in you. I rejoice over you with singing.The voices of the world are a cacophony of chaos, pulling you this way and that. Don’t listen to those voices; challenge them with My Word. Learn to take minibreaks from the world, finding a place to be still in My Presence and listen to My voice.
There is immense hidden treasure to be found through listening to Me. Though I pour out blessings upon you always, some of My richest blessings have to be actively sought. I love to reveal Myself to you, and your seeking heart opens you up to receive more of My disclosure.Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
—Zephaniah 3:17
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
—Matthew 7:7
March 14, 2014
Ephesians 3:20-21
*disclaimer: I have prayed over this post for months now and I feel led to share our story, God is continuing to write this story day by day, step by step, minute by minute. We know there are thousands upon thousands of lives touched by this issue and we feel led to share our journey to be a light for the King in the middle of darkness. While I have prayed over this post and feel led to write it I'm sure it will be anything but eloquent, it's just the guts of what we have lived through and are continuing to live through. We are always open to talk to anyone with similar stories or questions...We stand firmly on the truth that Our GOD Is Able to do immeasurably more than anything we could hope or imagine.*
A couple of weeks ago I shared a picture on instagram that read: "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." I've always know this...but 8 months ago my perspective was changed in a way I cannot begin to explain. I realized that we ALL have something - our humanity and the fall of man has brought these "somethings" upon us...let us be kind and gracious to those around us for we never know their internal battle or what mountain they face every second of every day. Love matters. Love works.
I cannot remember the first time I heard the word "addiction"...growing up in a small sleepy little town, when people struggled with this word in their life it wasn't something that was broadcast across the city limits...it was kept quiet, whispered in secret if ever mentioned at all. I guess the first time I really began to understand the word was in Junior High through some series our youth minister did on alcohol and drugs - I heard the word but it didn't directly affect me...it was something I knew about but never encountered.
The more I grew and the older I got the more I started noticing people around me that were falling prey to this word. Maybe it was because I was more aware due to age or perhaps it had something to do with the changing of society and airing out our struggles in the open became more acceptable than taboo...people in our church, people I graduated from high school with, college friends, people that mattered to me all falling prey to addiction or having a family member or loved one falling prey to addiction. This time it hit a little closer to home because these were people I knew, people I loved, but it still wasn't as close to home as the Lord had planned for me in just a few years.
Fast forward to January 2012....My first date with the love of my life, my now Fiance, Jason. I can say with certainty it was THE BEST first date I had ever been on...days and weeks begin to pass and each date seems to be better than the last...He had a lot of baggage, but so did I. We had both struggled with things that seemed pretty different at first glace but the deeper we got into the issues the more alike they became - - He, coming out of a divorce (an entirely different post all together), facing the reality of a word he never thought he would utter about himself. Feeling alone, abandoned, and damaged. Me, facing the reality of the belief in one too many lies from someone's mouth, broken hearted, disappointed in myself and where I stood...we had made quite a journey to get to each other and we were keenly aware of this fact. We both began to pray for what the Lord had in store for us, to guide us and give us wisdom. See, J and I are both hopeless romantics, we simply LOVE love! And neither of us wanted to get sucked into the "puppy love phase" that we had been sucked into before - we wanted something real, and we believed our God would give this to us.
Weeks turned into months and we both began to open up and really delve deep into learning about each-other - learning about each-others past - what we wanted out of life - dream jobs - what makes you tick...you know all of those early on discoveries. The more I got to know J and spend time with him the more I started noticing something a little disturbing...we loved to go someplace after work and order a glass of wine and talk (we still, over 2 years later, talk nonstop like we've just met even though we talk every single day...love this) or we would go to Burgers and Blues to watch a game and order a beer and have dinner...Time after time I noticed that J couldn't stop at one or two drinks - he pushed the limit almost every single time. Now, being older and having people I knew and loved face alcohol addiction...this concerned me. But to me, he didn't "look" like an alcoholic. Can anyone relate to this? Aren't we all groomed to believe that alcoholics have a certain look about them? In the movies they tend to not take care of themselves, they are angry people who abuse the men and women in their lives both physically and emotionally, they rarely can hold down a good full time job...it seems more often than not their personal hygiene is the least important thing.
Now - my J did not look ANYTHING like this at all --->
Sure, he would have one to many more often than not - but he would just get sleepy. He not once got abusive with me, physically, emotionally or verbally....he never went nuts and ran through the neighborhood barefoot like I've known some others to do...He took care of himself, he worked harder than most people I know, he "looked" perfectly healthy....but when he would have too much to drink he would get quiet, his eyelids would get extremely heavy - and he would just zone out of a conversation all together. For the life of me I couldn't pinpoint why he thought it necessary to be so incredibly rude when we were out with family or friends...little did I know that there was something much larger going on inside of him that had nothing to do with insincerity and everything to do with the bane of addiction. There was a storm that had been brewing for years that was slowly eating away at him from the inside out. This was a storm that I knew nothing about - a storm unknown to many - undisturbed by some who knew - a storm his family was aware of but no amount of calling out caused a change on his part. It was something none of us could wrap our brains around and the more I learned about J the less I realized he knew about it too.
The drinking got worse - it went from a beer with dinner to three or four right after work, one after the other. Fun nights out with friends almost always ended up in an argument over alcohol..."why cant you just stop? you always push the limit, you always zone out after you've had one too many, it's rude...whats your problem" --> thinking back on those conversations today breaks my heart -- and while I realize I can't beat myself up, it's one of the struggles of addiction, he didn't see it, he couldn't stop it on his own, and he didn't need me barking up his tree...I had so much to learn and so did he.
July 2014 - I had simply learned to live with Jason's drinking, it wasn't necessarily hurting me - it just frustrated me - and i loved him so we continued to date and we just kept falling further in love. I went to market with my sister and my mom and left him at home for about a week -- I noticed through phone conversations that he didn't really sound like himself, speech a little slurred too early in the evening, disconnected in an unusual way - but I just assumed he was missing me and things would be normal when I returned to Jackson...come to find out he had been drinking intensely while I had been gone, leaving work and grabbing beer or liquor - whatever, and drowning in it every night. The day I got home he had been drinking at home alone for lunch -- and then drove to my house. I could tell something wasn't right. Called him to the carpet -- hello confrontation and intervention! Jason's drinking was worse than I realized...he was leaving my house at night, going home to fix several drinks just to allow him to sleep. He had become totally dependent on this "drug" to soothe him...he couldn't celebrate anything without it....it was something so engrained into his every day life....over the course of several hours the night I returned from Atlanta thievery came to a head....Jason confessed that his drinking was much worse than anything I was seeing and he, in that very moment, admitted he had a major problem that he couldn't stop on his own...God was there, we prayed, we began to seek the face of the one who created J and knew at His creation that this would become a part of his story...and can I just stop and say that God has done and continues to do BIG things? In all of our mess and inability to hold it all together, He shows Himself. amazing.
July 14, 2014 Jason decided to go to treatment.
July 15, 2014 Jason was "diagnosed"
J is an alcoholic.
The word that had only partially entered my life in the past was now staring me in the face...the love of my life, the man I intended on marrying was an addict and there was nothing I could do to fix it or take it away from him. It was something God was allowing him to walk through, He was writing Jason's story and chasing after his heart...the "diagnosis" was only the beginning of a rough journey in recovery and a beautiful story God continues to write today...
Tomorrow - March 15, 2014 - Jason will be 8 months sober! To some this may seem like not much but each day is significant, every 24 hours walked through and sober is an accomplishment for an addict. While walking next to J through treatment was hard, it taught me so much about myself - so much about codependency and how unhealthy that is - I was able to watch God take a man I already loved, and begin turning him into an even more beautiful creation right before my very eyes. It's interesting how even though our relationship was already good, standing with him during recovery pointed out so many things that could be better, and as he found confidence in who God created him to be...and began really learning about himself instead of numbing pain inside and preventing self discovery - he BLOSSOMED yall. That may sound cheesy but it started on the inside and worked its way out - the light of the Big Guy - J smiles different now, he talks about life differently, when he prays he sounds like he is talking to someone he really knows not just someone way up in the sky, he loves me better, he loves his family and my family better - he is all around a better man for taking the step to enter treatment and I watch God use him in awesome ways every single day.
I have talked to friends before who are in recovery and they have mentioned things like - I'm just damaged goods, I've made too many mistakes - and I feel like J's testimony and our story says this...God created you, He is perfect and He doesn't create JUNK, or things that have no worth...You are of IMMENSE worth to your KING, to Jesus Christ - He has a purpose and a plan for you, sobriety isn't something you accomplish on your own, one of the biggest parts and "steps" of AA is acknowledging a higher power, admitting you are helpless to your addiction and asking HIM to help you, to walk with you, to give you strength to make it 24 hours, one more hour, 5 more minutes - whatever you need, HE is there with open arms and more energy than you could ever drain to help you walk it out.
A verse that has meant a good bit to me during this process, and also to J is Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us"
But the entire passage from 14-21 has so much power and meaning for us I wanted to share:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have POWER, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 3:14-20
We prayed early on that this would be different - that God would reign true and sovereign in our lives and our relationship. Of course we could never have known all that He had planned for our journey together but we see His hand in a real way constantly. Now, I would be lying if I said the journey is easy...This will be something that J faces for his entire life, and it's something that I will face for my entire life - but that is the cross Jesus has given us to bear, and because of it we are reminded - J I am sure more than I, of our weakness without HIM and our strength we have by tapping into His glory and strength. It's because of WHO we serve that we walk the road we are on. We believe whole heartedly that one reason this has become a part of our story is so that we would share it with others, that we would speak of all that God has done and continues to do, so that He could use J in the lives of other addicts just as other addicts have poured so much into J, that we would be open to the possibility of being a light in a dark world at all times and that all glory for these 8 months would be give to our Creator and Savior.
We are blessed along this journey. Even in the hard times we are encouraged by our families and loved on by our friends - And the really neat thing I have seen is that when we have an opportunity to share our story, more people than you would ever imagine can relate and have a similar story to share. I am thankful for a community of believers in our church who have wrapped arms around us - I am thankful for one specific couple who has reached out to us, loved on us and prayed for us - as they walk this journey we are constantly inspired by how God using them day by day..
I'll end with one request: Would you pray for J? Would you pray for us? As we continue to seek how God will use our journey to further His kingdom and to shine light into darkness would you ask that He would give us guidance..that He would continue to draw us to Him and give us strength to endure temptations - that J would stand firm in his sobriety IN his Savior and that all we do would point to our King? We know that HE makes beauty from the ashes and I am in awe of all the blooms around us.
If you read this far, thank you for hearing my heart - thank you for staying long enough to "hear" the whole story...we are always open to listen, J is always willing and ready to go to a meeting with you if you don't want to go alone...the first step is the hardest but with the Big Guy on your side, you certainly can't go wrong.
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
Isaiah 42: 16
Our GOD is able.
A couple of weeks ago I shared a picture on instagram that read: "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." I've always know this...but 8 months ago my perspective was changed in a way I cannot begin to explain. I realized that we ALL have something - our humanity and the fall of man has brought these "somethings" upon us...let us be kind and gracious to those around us for we never know their internal battle or what mountain they face every second of every day. Love matters. Love works.
I cannot remember the first time I heard the word "addiction"...growing up in a small sleepy little town, when people struggled with this word in their life it wasn't something that was broadcast across the city limits...it was kept quiet, whispered in secret if ever mentioned at all. I guess the first time I really began to understand the word was in Junior High through some series our youth minister did on alcohol and drugs - I heard the word but it didn't directly affect me...it was something I knew about but never encountered.
The more I grew and the older I got the more I started noticing people around me that were falling prey to this word. Maybe it was because I was more aware due to age or perhaps it had something to do with the changing of society and airing out our struggles in the open became more acceptable than taboo...people in our church, people I graduated from high school with, college friends, people that mattered to me all falling prey to addiction or having a family member or loved one falling prey to addiction. This time it hit a little closer to home because these were people I knew, people I loved, but it still wasn't as close to home as the Lord had planned for me in just a few years.
Fast forward to January 2012....My first date with the love of my life, my now Fiance, Jason. I can say with certainty it was THE BEST first date I had ever been on...days and weeks begin to pass and each date seems to be better than the last...He had a lot of baggage, but so did I. We had both struggled with things that seemed pretty different at first glace but the deeper we got into the issues the more alike they became - - He, coming out of a divorce (an entirely different post all together), facing the reality of a word he never thought he would utter about himself. Feeling alone, abandoned, and damaged. Me, facing the reality of the belief in one too many lies from someone's mouth, broken hearted, disappointed in myself and where I stood...we had made quite a journey to get to each other and we were keenly aware of this fact. We both began to pray for what the Lord had in store for us, to guide us and give us wisdom. See, J and I are both hopeless romantics, we simply LOVE love! And neither of us wanted to get sucked into the "puppy love phase" that we had been sucked into before - we wanted something real, and we believed our God would give this to us.
Weeks turned into months and we both began to open up and really delve deep into learning about each-other - learning about each-others past - what we wanted out of life - dream jobs - what makes you tick...you know all of those early on discoveries. The more I got to know J and spend time with him the more I started noticing something a little disturbing...we loved to go someplace after work and order a glass of wine and talk (we still, over 2 years later, talk nonstop like we've just met even though we talk every single day...love this) or we would go to Burgers and Blues to watch a game and order a beer and have dinner...Time after time I noticed that J couldn't stop at one or two drinks - he pushed the limit almost every single time. Now, being older and having people I knew and loved face alcohol addiction...this concerned me. But to me, he didn't "look" like an alcoholic. Can anyone relate to this? Aren't we all groomed to believe that alcoholics have a certain look about them? In the movies they tend to not take care of themselves, they are angry people who abuse the men and women in their lives both physically and emotionally, they rarely can hold down a good full time job...it seems more often than not their personal hygiene is the least important thing.
Now - my J did not look ANYTHING like this at all --->
Sure, he would have one to many more often than not - but he would just get sleepy. He not once got abusive with me, physically, emotionally or verbally....he never went nuts and ran through the neighborhood barefoot like I've known some others to do...He took care of himself, he worked harder than most people I know, he "looked" perfectly healthy....but when he would have too much to drink he would get quiet, his eyelids would get extremely heavy - and he would just zone out of a conversation all together. For the life of me I couldn't pinpoint why he thought it necessary to be so incredibly rude when we were out with family or friends...little did I know that there was something much larger going on inside of him that had nothing to do with insincerity and everything to do with the bane of addiction. There was a storm that had been brewing for years that was slowly eating away at him from the inside out. This was a storm that I knew nothing about - a storm unknown to many - undisturbed by some who knew - a storm his family was aware of but no amount of calling out caused a change on his part. It was something none of us could wrap our brains around and the more I learned about J the less I realized he knew about it too.
The drinking got worse - it went from a beer with dinner to three or four right after work, one after the other. Fun nights out with friends almost always ended up in an argument over alcohol..."why cant you just stop? you always push the limit, you always zone out after you've had one too many, it's rude...whats your problem" --> thinking back on those conversations today breaks my heart -- and while I realize I can't beat myself up, it's one of the struggles of addiction, he didn't see it, he couldn't stop it on his own, and he didn't need me barking up his tree...I had so much to learn and so did he.
July 2014 - I had simply learned to live with Jason's drinking, it wasn't necessarily hurting me - it just frustrated me - and i loved him so we continued to date and we just kept falling further in love. I went to market with my sister and my mom and left him at home for about a week -- I noticed through phone conversations that he didn't really sound like himself, speech a little slurred too early in the evening, disconnected in an unusual way - but I just assumed he was missing me and things would be normal when I returned to Jackson...come to find out he had been drinking intensely while I had been gone, leaving work and grabbing beer or liquor - whatever, and drowning in it every night. The day I got home he had been drinking at home alone for lunch -- and then drove to my house. I could tell something wasn't right. Called him to the carpet -- hello confrontation and intervention! Jason's drinking was worse than I realized...he was leaving my house at night, going home to fix several drinks just to allow him to sleep. He had become totally dependent on this "drug" to soothe him...he couldn't celebrate anything without it....it was something so engrained into his every day life....over the course of several hours the night I returned from Atlanta thievery came to a head....Jason confessed that his drinking was much worse than anything I was seeing and he, in that very moment, admitted he had a major problem that he couldn't stop on his own...God was there, we prayed, we began to seek the face of the one who created J and knew at His creation that this would become a part of his story...and can I just stop and say that God has done and continues to do BIG things? In all of our mess and inability to hold it all together, He shows Himself. amazing.
July 14, 2014 Jason decided to go to treatment.
July 15, 2014 Jason was "diagnosed"
J is an alcoholic.
The word that had only partially entered my life in the past was now staring me in the face...the love of my life, the man I intended on marrying was an addict and there was nothing I could do to fix it or take it away from him. It was something God was allowing him to walk through, He was writing Jason's story and chasing after his heart...the "diagnosis" was only the beginning of a rough journey in recovery and a beautiful story God continues to write today...
Tomorrow - March 15, 2014 - Jason will be 8 months sober! To some this may seem like not much but each day is significant, every 24 hours walked through and sober is an accomplishment for an addict. While walking next to J through treatment was hard, it taught me so much about myself - so much about codependency and how unhealthy that is - I was able to watch God take a man I already loved, and begin turning him into an even more beautiful creation right before my very eyes. It's interesting how even though our relationship was already good, standing with him during recovery pointed out so many things that could be better, and as he found confidence in who God created him to be...and began really learning about himself instead of numbing pain inside and preventing self discovery - he BLOSSOMED yall. That may sound cheesy but it started on the inside and worked its way out - the light of the Big Guy - J smiles different now, he talks about life differently, when he prays he sounds like he is talking to someone he really knows not just someone way up in the sky, he loves me better, he loves his family and my family better - he is all around a better man for taking the step to enter treatment and I watch God use him in awesome ways every single day.
I have talked to friends before who are in recovery and they have mentioned things like - I'm just damaged goods, I've made too many mistakes - and I feel like J's testimony and our story says this...God created you, He is perfect and He doesn't create JUNK, or things that have no worth...You are of IMMENSE worth to your KING, to Jesus Christ - He has a purpose and a plan for you, sobriety isn't something you accomplish on your own, one of the biggest parts and "steps" of AA is acknowledging a higher power, admitting you are helpless to your addiction and asking HIM to help you, to walk with you, to give you strength to make it 24 hours, one more hour, 5 more minutes - whatever you need, HE is there with open arms and more energy than you could ever drain to help you walk it out.
A verse that has meant a good bit to me during this process, and also to J is Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us"
But the entire passage from 14-21 has so much power and meaning for us I wanted to share:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have POWER, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 3:14-20
We prayed early on that this would be different - that God would reign true and sovereign in our lives and our relationship. Of course we could never have known all that He had planned for our journey together but we see His hand in a real way constantly. Now, I would be lying if I said the journey is easy...This will be something that J faces for his entire life, and it's something that I will face for my entire life - but that is the cross Jesus has given us to bear, and because of it we are reminded - J I am sure more than I, of our weakness without HIM and our strength we have by tapping into His glory and strength. It's because of WHO we serve that we walk the road we are on. We believe whole heartedly that one reason this has become a part of our story is so that we would share it with others, that we would speak of all that God has done and continues to do, so that He could use J in the lives of other addicts just as other addicts have poured so much into J, that we would be open to the possibility of being a light in a dark world at all times and that all glory for these 8 months would be give to our Creator and Savior.
We are blessed along this journey. Even in the hard times we are encouraged by our families and loved on by our friends - And the really neat thing I have seen is that when we have an opportunity to share our story, more people than you would ever imagine can relate and have a similar story to share. I am thankful for a community of believers in our church who have wrapped arms around us - I am thankful for one specific couple who has reached out to us, loved on us and prayed for us - as they walk this journey we are constantly inspired by how God using them day by day..
I'll end with one request: Would you pray for J? Would you pray for us? As we continue to seek how God will use our journey to further His kingdom and to shine light into darkness would you ask that He would give us guidance..that He would continue to draw us to Him and give us strength to endure temptations - that J would stand firm in his sobriety IN his Savior and that all we do would point to our King? We know that HE makes beauty from the ashes and I am in awe of all the blooms around us.
If you read this far, thank you for hearing my heart - thank you for staying long enough to "hear" the whole story...we are always open to listen, J is always willing and ready to go to a meeting with you if you don't want to go alone...the first step is the hardest but with the Big Guy on your side, you certainly can't go wrong.
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
Isaiah 42: 16
Our GOD is able.
March 13, 2014
Overcome.
"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" John 16:33
I have had this verse on my mind for weeks now so it certainly was no coincidence that it showed up in my devotion this morning. How often do I lose sight of this truth....We battle things of this world on the regular don't we?
And we all struggle with different aspects of this world don't we?
Addictions of all kinds
Selfishness
Gluttony
Pride
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
Satan has a way of spinning the ugliest of things into beauty and we struggle, some days we make the right choice, other times maybe not BUT the light at the end of the tunnel, the hope in your today is this...HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.
Let that sink in for a second.
All darkness has been defeated....
every minion of satan put in his place
Jesus has defeated HELL - and overcome this world...and you are HIS child --
I find great confidence and strength in this verse. It's powerful to me. While I know that I will struggle in this world because He has called me to be in it but not of it - I am thankful even in the midst of my mistakes because I know there is more to it - and that the God I believe in, the Lord I serve - He has tackled it all and it won't be long before He comes back in righteousness and power and restores this place to what He intended, it won't be long before we are standing with THE KING - and satan will be tossed into hell with all of darkness - he knows the ending to his story already, he will bow before Christ again - and as believers we will have victory - we have victory in this very moment because HE is the victor!
Amen.
Nothing big today - just marinating on this verse this week and I'm pumped...He is our hero, in every sense of the world.
Praise HIM.
I have had this verse on my mind for weeks now so it certainly was no coincidence that it showed up in my devotion this morning. How often do I lose sight of this truth....We battle things of this world on the regular don't we?
- When the boss asks us to do something that's against what we believe, nothing too "out there" but just something slightly against our morals...we are battling things of this world
- When there's a magazine that's slightly inappropriate, nothing too scandalous but just enough to allow our mind to stray slightly from our spouse and we battle leaving it alone...we are battling things of this world
- When we find the perfect dress at Antho that's just a little bit out of our budget and if we buy it we won't be able to give our tithe for the week or month...we are battling things of this world
And we all struggle with different aspects of this world don't we?
Addictions of all kinds
Selfishness
Gluttony
Pride
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
Satan has a way of spinning the ugliest of things into beauty and we struggle, some days we make the right choice, other times maybe not BUT the light at the end of the tunnel, the hope in your today is this...HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.
Let that sink in for a second.
All darkness has been defeated....
every minion of satan put in his place
Jesus has defeated HELL - and overcome this world...and you are HIS child --
I find great confidence and strength in this verse. It's powerful to me. While I know that I will struggle in this world because He has called me to be in it but not of it - I am thankful even in the midst of my mistakes because I know there is more to it - and that the God I believe in, the Lord I serve - He has tackled it all and it won't be long before He comes back in righteousness and power and restores this place to what He intended, it won't be long before we are standing with THE KING - and satan will be tossed into hell with all of darkness - he knows the ending to his story already, he will bow before Christ again - and as believers we will have victory - we have victory in this very moment because HE is the victor!
Amen.
Nothing big today - just marinating on this verse this week and I'm pumped...He is our hero, in every sense of the world.
Praise HIM.
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