I come, God I come, return to the Lord.
The One who's broken, One who's torn me apart.
You struck down to bind me up, You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering
Though You slay me, yet I will praise You
Though You take from me, I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me, still I will worship
Sing a song to the One who's all I need
My heart and flesh may fail, the earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes, I'll see the Lord
Lifted high up on that day, behold the Lamb that was slain
And I'll know every tear was worth it all
Though you slay me, yet I will praise You
Though You take from me, I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me, still I will worship
Sing a song to the One who's all I need.
Though tonight I'm crying - Let this cup pass from me now - You're still all that I need
You're enough for me.
You're enough for me.
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When I found this song through a friend several months ago I just took a chance on it - she had posted a picture of the album cover and make a comment about the song, I didn't preview it...I just bought it. The next morning while I was getting ready to head to the office I remembered I had purchased some new tunes and so I cranked on this one and I haven't been the same since. This song - it just speaks so much to what God has done and continues to do in my life...
See, I'm not much of a planner...I didn't get that gene. Now my sister on the other hand is the absolute BEST planner of all time. She functions better with a plan, she's okay if the plan goes a little to the left or ventures to the right some, but the parameters of a plan are important to her. Then there's me. I don't mind a plan, if someone else wants to make one for me and invite me in on it, but when I'm just doing my thing day to day I rarely function with a plan. I don't set my days up, I'm not organized, most creative brains don't have the organization part down so I'm cool with the fact that I'm missing it...It wasn't until very recently that I started really living with a calendar - I have set some new things up in my life to add some structure and organization...some "plans" per say, but overall...It's just not how I was created.
BUT --
I have some things in my life that I have well laid plans for...
Relationships
Babies
Career
Things that I set my sights on, sink my teeth into, and get going with. This may sound contradictory to the paragraph above but that's why it is an aspect of my life I'm spending some thought on, and praying over, I typically don't plan - on a trip I need no plans, but when it comes to my future -- I am all about what I want.
The problem there is this: it may not always be what Jesus wants. (not to mention we aren't promised anything but this moment, but that's another topic for another day)
I have mentioned before that He destroys our best laid plans and interrupts our life completely with His course for our life.
I remember growing up how my parents would pray over me and pray God's will for my life. I remember at times making some not so great decisions, trying to justify them to my parents (typically horrible boy choices), and my parents asking me if I thought I was in His will - if I really believed what I was doing was what God wanted for my life.
Pretty heavy question for a 16 year old huh? :)
But this question - this idea - God's will for my life - was something I heard from a very young age. And as a believer I knew I wanted to be living in His will, but what did that mean? What did that do to my freedom to choose?
This song brings to light how He sometimes has to handle me...looking back I can see a lot of the times I was in pain, felt some suffering and heartache, had lots of questions - He was "slaying" the plans I had for me because He knew HIS plans for my life were so much better for me! It was hard at the time to see that something causing me so much pain was in fact grace from my Savior, and I would be lying if now, after I have walked through many of those seasons I said I had it figured out and that it no longer hurt, or that I no longer make those plans for myself - - I'm still very much human, flawed, and filled with error - But looking over my life I can process those moments of pain a lot differently - I can look at them with a smile instead of a little pain because I see His plan further along that it was at that time and I see how precious He is to me, His daughter, His lover, His bride.
My question though is really this - Why do we feel the need to plan out our future? Wouldn't that energy be better spent in the here and now? In this very moment that we can never get back. We don't know that we will be here 5 years from now but we know we have this very moment - the cliche saying of living each day to the fullest is no longer cliche to me - i want to live in the here and now - living it up with my friends and family today...and trusting Him with my tomorrow. It's certainly easier said than done.
I honestly never thought I would get to the day when I believed every tear was worth it - and I'm not pretending to even say I believe every single one way because let's face it - I'm a crier, I can't help it - but I can see that so many of my tears and so much of the pain all caused a redirection in my life - a course change for the better - and I can't imagine my life any other way than what it looks like right now.
I'm challenging myself to start living in the here and now. Do J and I want babies...Um yes!! Do I sit and think about when that needs to happen and all of the other stuff? Well, of course! But I don't want to spend my time on that - I want to spend my time enjoying my engagement - treasuring each moment planning with my mom and sister leading up to our special day in November - not focusing on what will happen once we become husband and wife.
I have been encouraged through the pain - and I'm a better woman of God because of the slayed plans, no question about it.
Though you slay me...
Still I will praise You
Though you have taken away from me through the years - things I had a firm grip on, things I thought were BEST for me
I will praise Your name
Though you ruin MY path
Still I will worship and sing a song to the ONE who is all I need
For His path is perfect - learning to trust Him more each day.
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